Today

Today I wore a skirt for the first time out in the world since 1999.
Today I wore my emotions on my sleeve for the last time.
Tomorrow I will wake up smiling for it is a new blessed day.
Tomorrow I will go to sleep as all my cares drift away.

Was I Really Meant For This?

As the night grows darker
the air grows colder
And time ticks on
rushing by too fast
Too much to do
until I can sleep at last
The tears start to fall
as the stress levels rise
I seem to give it my all
but as no surprise
I feel defeated every day
in almost every way
And can't help but imagine
if this was my true passion
Or if I am still searching
for something more than this
As if my calling is lurking
beyond in some hidden bliss
No options other than to
simply go on and follow through
With all that stresses me each day
until it all makes sense
or something better comes my way...

You got me thinking..

You got me thinking about
Long walks on the beach
You got me thinking about
A night by the sea
You got me thinking about
So much it's true
You got me thinking about
Nothing other than you

I should be thinking about
My next lesson
I should be thinking about
What day the test's on
I should be thinking about
Algebra II
But all I been thinking about
is you

Reality Strikes

When reality strikes it strikes down hard
Been wishing for so long but living a facade
Arms around, fingers interlocked
Finally a night of mine that rocked
The perfect kiss meant so much to me
But was it the same for thee?
Was it the same feeling deep down inside
A feeling that could transcend time
The feeling I felt when reality struck
Felt so strong it could have only been luck
Fifteen years that feeling crept around
Now I'm spinning so fast I'm about to hit the ground
Didn't want to leave didn't want to go
'Cause if this ain't reality I just don't want to know
What will come of the future
What was meant of the past
What is happening in the present
If this isn't supposed to last.
So when reality struck, it struck down hard
But who's to say that it was reality and not just a facade.

Writer's Block

I got a writer's block the size of a fist
the size of your kiss it's making me pissed
to think that i miss anything you ever said
anything we ever did we were just kids
but I see clearly now i understand it now
I feel it wow
to think I couldn't understand it
a feeling inconceivable
to think I couldn't stop feeling it
a sensation unbelievable
but it was all a lie and that's why I had to say goodbye
I couldn't keep tryin if you wouldn't try
And though the feeling may never die out
at least this writer's block is getting a time out.

best friend

If you're my friend you know it's true
To the end of time I'll care for you
Comfort you
Fight for you
Live for you
Die for you

But in the end when you are gone
Who will be there to help me carry on?
Who's shoulder will I cry on?
Who's laughter will keep me strong?
I guess it's just the price one pays
To be the best friend in any way

A few random witticisms from over the months!

*Goodbye to these emo song lyrics and one liners… Happiness is here.*

*Love is when the awkward silence isn't awkward at all.*

*And all these similes and metaphors make me want more.*

*And all I am to you is just another lunch date, just another mistake.*

*Sometimes I try to lucid dream so that I can feel what it means to truly... be… alive…*

*We risk overlooking things we may have in common when we only look at the differences.*

Misery of Mystery

Where is the mystery
in this misery
I took a left
then 2 rights
and now everyone just wants to fight
for what they think is right
but as i write
these lyrics i try not to be satirical
i just want to the truth
it would be a miracle
for the misery to end and the mystery be solved
with a happy twist without any fists, that's all.

Fishbowl

Look at the box with all the windows
The RAs spend their days
wasting away in the box.
5 hours a week each
Just sitting there in the box.
Others see it as a fishbowl life
A life of being looked at
with the occasional tap-tap on the glass
What they don't realize
is that it is Their lives that are fishbowls.
The RAs spend their days
observing from the box
5 hours a week each
sometimes more if they're bored
Just sitting there in the box
watching as the residents wander by
listening to all the gossip and the stories.
The residents have no idea
that they are living in a fishbowl life
A life of being looked at, watched
with the occasional conversation
only to be used to find out further detail
of the stories they eavesdropped on earlier.
So next time you think
someone is living a fishbowl life
take a good look around you
and see that you are too.

monotony is everywhere...

...escape it!

Halloween

someday
i will get to be the person
who i really think is me...

until then
i'll keep wearing this costume
like it's Halloween...

Time Travel

The past seems so sweet
as if it were just a dream
so fun so surreal,
as if I could still feel
the uncomfort of the matress
the coldness of the floor
the awkwardness of the shower
the chalk on the door
what it was like to be a freshman
to live life away from home
to leave behind my family
to find a family of my own
a group of brothers and sisters
forever connected one way or another
a group of silly college students
where I sometimes was the mother
And now I look back on this past
reliving each day in a slew of dreams
wishing to go back, if only for a moment
But time travel is harder than it seems.

I don't even know...

On today
Off tomorrow
Other than now
There's no then
There's no how
Just a why
Just a where
No today
No tomorrow
No other time than now
We'll never see tomorrow
Tomorrow isn't real

Why's don't exist
For the when's are fickle
And all we yearn for
Are answers
But we may never get
The answers we need
For not even the answers are real.

It's all surreal
It's all a blur
It's all a lie

A lie to keep us quiet
A lie to keep us confused.

A lie to the why we need answered.

My Future Depends On It

those who know me
think they know me well
those who control me
think they I'm under a spell
but what I'm about to do
no one's gonna see it coming
gonna start over anew
gonna hit the ground running
cuz I'm fed up, over this shit
I'm fed up and this is it
I want out of this field and into my passion
I want to know what it's like
I want to feel satisfaction
at the end of the day
I want to kneel down and pray
and thank God for letting me see
what I want to truly be
for the rest of my life
I just wanna know this is right
cuz at the end of the day
no matter what they say
I gotta stay true to me
be what I wanna be
my future depends on it.

just a bracelet

It's just a bracelet
tied 'round the wrist
of hopeful young lady

They say it will bring love
to the hopeful young lady
with it tied 'round the wrist

Wear it 'til it falls off
Wear it 'til it breaks
Wear it 'til love comes along

The hopeful young lady
with it tied 'round the wrist
wears it with hope

Hope that the superstition is true
Hope that it will help her find love
Hope that love will find her

She'll wear it 'til it breaks
but really,
It's just a bracelet.

Countless

An hour is 60 minutes
but when that hour is spent with you
It seems countless
To look into your eyes
as they look back into mine
creates a feeling so real
it stops time.
hold me close
with your arms so strong
and I will never let go.
so take these countless hours
we spend together
and lets never let them stop.
lets make this last forever.

Nerf Guns are Fun

they just are

just one of the guys

i am a girl
just one of the guys
my persona
is just a disguise

i truly dream
the girly dreams
though that would never
seem to be

i want a ring
just like she does
i want a family
just like she does
i need to be held
just like she does
i need to be loved
just like she does

you wouldn't guess
i truly wish to be
for him nothing but the best
the one to make him happy

i'm just a girl
but who am i
to all of them
i'm just one of the guys

Where Are You?

Somewhere you are there, I know it.
Someday you will find me, I hope.
If I find you, I will know it.
You will be everything I want.
You will be my everything.
Do I know you already?
Perhaps from a class?
Advanced Calculus? Spanish? Chemistry Lab?
Do you know me already?
I am waiting for you.
Should we meet on an island,
Let it be our island.
Should we meet on the street,
Let it be our street.
I am here, waiting for you.
You just need to find me
And tell me you're mine.

Every day

And everyday I will live
As if it were my last.